Not sure what to say.

I've journaled since I was 12 so writing in a blog is natural to me.  It is therapy.  It is conversation.  It has never been difficult to to select a topic; they just seem to pop into my mind.  Until now.

For the first time, I don't know how to put my thoughts into words.  Maybe I just need to ramble for a bit.  

On Wednesday, my dad had a heart attack.  Mom called while they were on the way to the hospital.   Of course, I started crying.  No surprise there.  There was absolutely nothing I could do, though. I was in Disneyland.  And I had to board the Monorail to head into Disneyland so I would not disappoint my four year old son.  I didn't know what else I could do but keep going.   For the next several hours, my family sent endless text messages and phone calls, keeping me updated with his progress.  Fortunately, Dad made it through surgery and is expected to have a full recovery.  My sister and brother were superstar siblings who took care of business at home while I struggled with being in Disneyland.  Physically, I was on vacation.  Mentally, I was at home.  It wasn't really fair to Eric, my in-laws or to Alexander but I did the best I could. Thank you Eric, Alexander, Ron and Besty for being patient with me the past few days!

So, this is where my thoughts come to an end. I need time to process my guilt about staying on vacation, my fear of losing a parent, and a little bit about life in general.

And part of that healing begins with the Oscars.

 Shameless entertainment.

Heart Day

It's my year to plan our Valentine's Day celebration. 

On a Monday night with limited funds with a vacation to Disneyland one week away.

So, it's gluten-free pizza for my hubby.

A glow-in-the-dark puzzle for Alexander.

A glass of wine for me.

A night at home with my boys.

It may be not be the most exciting of holidays but I'm spending the evening with my best friend and my son.

In my mind, that's all I need to make it a very Happy Valentine's Day indeed.

Academy Awards

There is only one night of the year where I insist on having the TV all to myself.

I bet the show would be even better if I actually watched the nominated movies.

Any predictions who will win?

Stepping Off the Ledge

 

I am scared of failure.

I am scared of rejection.

I do not put myself into situations where I know I will fail.

I do not put myself into situations where I know I will be rejected.

I choose to "play it safe".

Today, I stepped off the ledge.

I faced failure.

I faced rejection.

And found acceptance and success.

Working out

So, I re-joined Curves this week.  I had been a member for over a year but I left last spring when I started running.  I couldn't justify paying the monthly cost when I was spending my time on the trails.  Despite how great running is for me, my lifestyle these days doesn't work for the time needed for a run.  I suppose I could find the time.  However, my interest in running has run its course (get it?  run its course?  I'm hilarious)

When I'm honest with myself, this program is the only one that really works for me. 

For those of you who don't know how it works, it is a circuit training workout that combines strength training with limited rest.  There is a circuit of 12 (13?) self-resistance machines.  You spend 30 seconds on each machine and 30 seconds at a recovery pad between each machine.  The workout does become a bit tedious but it has results.  Curves is on the way home, I can change in their dressing room, and I'm out of there in 30 minutes. 

Today was my second work out.  Today was measurement day.

Let's just say...I got some work to do!  When I left last spring, I had lost 19 inches.  I haven't gained all of those inches back but...let's just say the numbers were a reality hit, desperately needed.

I set two goals today:  Lose 15 lbs.  Lose 14 inches.

I have these two goals written on notecards, taped to the bathroom mirror.

I have motivational quotes written on cards and posted, too.

I have Eric and Alexander's support, which will be necessary as time in the gym is time away from them.

I can do this.

I know I can.

Update

1.  Rachel's Challenge is officially coming to my school.  KING5 will be filming the assembly.  I'm beside myself with joy and anticipation of brining this event to our community.

2.  I started Cuves again yesterday.  If I'm going to be filmed by KING5 in a month, I better get myself together!

3.  I'm on week 2 of not drinking Sunday - Thursday and I feel better.  I sleep better at night.  And I've lost a couple of lbs.

4.  The house remodel is going so well and I love Eric how is enjoying himself with the project. 

5.   Arizona and Disneyland are in 3 weeks.  Enough said.