Decisions

I'm sitting here, listening to "In the Garden" by Elvis Presley.  This is the song my dad wants played at his service.  I've never heard it until tonight.  It's a good choice.

My head is spinning with all the decisions that need to be made between now and November 3.  November 3 is the date of Dad's service.  It was a pretty big deal when Kim and Mom finalized the date.  I was happy.  But so many decisions remain.

Obituary.  Turns out these suckers are expensive!  I wrote one.  It is beautiful and honors my dad.  And then I had to edit the shizz out of it so it wouldn't cost me a mortgage payment!  Thank goodness my best friend is an English major.  Thanks, Jodie.

Program.  Turns out people want to know what is going to happen at a service. At the same time Jodie is editing the obituary, I've emailed the details to our awesome cousin Karolyn, who is going to put the program together.  Thanks, Bates.

Flowers and pictures and location of a service.  It really helps when one has a sister who is an event planner.  Enough said.  Good work, Kimmie.

Slideshow.  Now this is a project I am embracing!  My wonderful family has scanned all the photos I need to have and this weekend, I'm putting it all together.  I'm really looking forward to it because looking at pictures of my dad feels good. 

And then there are the minor details of cleaning a house before family comes over to eat dinner after the graveside service, figuring out whether or not our 5 year old should attend the service (and if he doesn't, who will babysit?), asking people to bring food for the family, and helping my mom with all the paperwork regarding benefits and insurance, and the list goes on and on.  Somewhere in there, I hope to find time to sleep, continue to go to work, and maybe even hang out with my boys.

Sigh. 

Truth is, I don't mind all the decisions.  Making decisions is pretty much what I do at work.  All the time.  I'm ok making decisions until the decisions threaten to keep me from moving forward, feeling any pain, or living life with my boys.  I haven't reached that point but I can see the potential for drowning from it all.
I can't avoid the decisions.

Kinda like I can't avoid the realization that my dad taught me how to make all these decisions without him.

I just wish I didn't have to.