Grieving

This grieving thing is a fascinating process.

One day (take Friday for example) I am exhausted and paralyzed by my grief as I worked through the slideshow for Dad's memorial.  

Today, I am watching the Avenger's with Eric.  I shopped this weekend.  I cleaned my house.  I even spent Christmas with my in-laws.  And I did ok.

I survived another round of firsts. 

Working through the slideshow has been difficult, but healing at the same time.  Here's how I would describe the process.  sort through photos, cry, sort some more, cry some more, sort again, turn off the computer, and then drink a whole lot of wine.

Sounds just about right.

It has been exhausting but opened my heart to grieve.  I keep saying there is beauty in my dad's death, and I was reminded of it yet again, as I traveled back in time to see my sweet dad's face.

And remember how much he loved us.  It felt good.  It felt right.

When all is said and done, I don't know if I will have written the right obituary. 

Created the perfect slideshow.  Or said the right things in a newspaper article that honored the man who meant everything to me.  To my family.  To my mom.

As it turns out, it may not matter if I did. 

All that matters is that we remember the love that Dad felt for us and smile, even when there are tears. 

On November 3, and all the days that follow, we will do just that.

I'm learning this grieving thing comes in waves.

And that's ok.