I've journaled since I was 12 so writing in a blog is natural to me. It is therapy. It is conversation. It has never been difficult to to select a topic; they just seem to pop into my mind. Until now.
For the first time, I don't know how to put my thoughts into words. Maybe I just need to ramble for a bit.
On Wednesday, my dad had a heart attack. Mom called while they were on the way to the hospital. Of course, I started crying. No surprise there. There was absolutely nothing I could do, though. I was in Disneyland. And I had to board the Monorail to head into Disneyland so I would not disappoint my four year old son. I didn't know what else I could do but keep going. For the next several hours, my family sent endless text messages and phone calls, keeping me updated with his progress. Fortunately, Dad made it through surgery and is expected to have a full recovery. My sister and brother were superstar siblings who took care of business at home while I struggled with being in Disneyland. Physically, I was on vacation. Mentally, I was at home. It wasn't really fair to Eric, my in-laws or to Alexander but I did the best I could. Thank you Eric, Alexander, Ron and Besty for being patient with me the past few days!
So, this is where my thoughts come to an end. I need time to process my guilt about staying on vacation, my fear of losing a parent, and a little bit about life in general.
And part of that healing begins with the Oscars.