Saturday, March 27, 2010

One More Sleep

Goodbye, my lovely readers!  It's SPRING BREAK and we're heading out of town!

Next up:

  (google images)

The last time I took a vacation with the entire family, I was thirteen.  Twenty five years ago. 
We went to Disneyland.
Dad, I don't think Annette will be there this time. Sorry about that.
Since my awesomely fun brother and my adorable sister in law
live in Florida, we decided to take the party to them.  And what a party it will be!
  I'm excited to see their faces. I'm excited to see their house. I'm excited for warm weather, to experience Disney magic with Alexander and Eric...again.  And I'm excited to observe my parents soaking in the happiness of having their children surround them. 

Have a great week!


Friday, March 26, 2010

For Just One Day

I want to step on the scale without cringing.
I want to walk by a reflection of myself and not see the fat me.
I want to pass a stranger and not wonder if I'm fatter or skinnier. 

I want to eat a meal without the guilt and mental count of calories.
I want to run for the love of running, not because it is burning calories.

I want this cycle to end.

I want to love me.

I wonder if that day will ever come.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Letter to my son

I wrote a letter to Alexander.

Read it here.

Have a great day!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

True Story Tuesday

I HATE going to the doctor.  I have to be a total mess and at rock bottom before I pick up the phone to make an appointment.

True Story.

However, the pain in my calf muscle wasn't getting better so I sucked it up and went to a doctor yesterday.  Dr C. fixed my back pain in 2008 when I couldn't stand up straight so I figured he could help a torn calf muscle, right?

True Story

It's not a torn muscle but muscle spasms, created by weakness in the other muscles starting in the lower back region.  I was pleasantly surprised that I remembered from college (anatomy was my all-time fav class!) just what the heck Dr. C was talking about and it made total sense to me. 

True Story.

 Instead of the half marathon, I should do a yoga marathon.  Dr C. said this with humor as he was sticking a needle in my back (S-1 region) with his famous cocktail that loosens muscles.  At least it was only one shot and not fourteen like before.

True Story.

 Massage therapy for 10 weeks.  Yoga sessions.  Core work every night for an hour.
No running for a month. 

True Story.

Don't count me out of the half marathon.  The athlete in me isn't ready to give up.
Not yet.
True Story

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Hip Hip Hooray!

I ran 5 miles today...PAIN FREE! 
It felt terrific. I think we actually did 6 with the 1 mile walk as a warm up but we ran a solid 5 miles.

So happy. So happy.  SO happy!!!

Thursday, March 18, 2010


I ran a mile and a half in 22 minutes.  Terrible time.
My calf muscle hurt.
I had a sideache the entire time.

I have an appointment with Dr. C on Monday to check my leg.
I am drinking water to combat the sideache.

I'm still frustrated but trying to deal with it.
Getting old sucks.

Feels Like Friday

First thought I had when I heard my alarm at 5:15 this morning:
"At least it's Friday."

Second thought:  
"Nope, it's Thursday."

Third thought:  


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

March Madness

Most wives lose their husbands during this time of the year.  We are officially Tminus 1 day to the Big Dance, brackets are in place for most folks, and the wait begins.

In our house, I'm the obsessed one (remember the obsession vs addiction post?).  I'll roll the TV into my office to watch games at work and have a laptop in class for updates.  In the evenings, our TV will suspend its regular showing of cartoons for the tournament.  And I'm trying really hard to forgive my mother for scheduling our flights to Florida during PRIME GAME TIME on March 28 and April 3.  Sigh.  My brother has promised to have game updates when he meets us at the airport.  Good Patrick.

Everyone has a different process.  I thought I'd share mine today.
  1. Open the brackets on Monday morning (I never watch the seeding show on TV).
  2. Read the matchups and enter the gut feelings for each game.  No emotional picks allowed.  If I don't have a gut feeling, I leave it blank. 
  3. Then I let those sit for a day and slowly begin the research. 
  4. I spend HOURS on the internet researching.  I look at what the experts say.  I listen to talk radio all day. 
  5. I text anyone who is willing to chat brackets with me to get their opinions. 
  6. I call my dad. 
  7. My students and I share brackets (no gambling, of course) and I ask them their reasoning behind the picks.  And I might make fun of those who don't have a clue.  Since I'm working on my sarcasm, I don't laugh too much.
  8.  I go back to reaffirm my gut feelings and fill in the blanks. 
  9. I never pick PAC10 teams because they break my heart.  This year, I may have to change that rule.  Which is killing me because I HATE the UW.
  10. And then I just wait it out.
Since 2004, I've never placed lower than 5th using this system (last year I didn't follow the process and placed thirteenth.  Ouch)

Of course, now that I've put this out there, I'll probably end up dead last.  haha

Let the Madness begin!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

True Story Tuesday: It makes me happy.

It makes me happy when I think about hangin' with my high school friends this weekend. 
I LOVE my high school friends. 

True Story.

It makes me happy that I'm running relatively pain-free.

True Story.

It makes me happy to have more light in the evenings but the early waking hours are killing me.

True Story.

It makes me happy when I am reminded that I will be in Florida in two weeks. 
True Story.

It makes me happy when I am greeted at the door with giggles, kisses, and hugs.  From both boys.

True Story.

Monday, March 15, 2010

The Countdown Begins...

I ran 15 minutes before school.
I ran 25 minutes with my last class of the day.

I had no pain.
I iced my leg anyway.
It felt good to run.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Productive Me!

**The title post is due to my son who uses the pronoun "me" after every adverb. "Run Me".  "Follow Me".  "Eat time me".  When one has a toddler, one realizes that everything you say is from the kid.  **
  • Worked out Saturday (six mile walk) and Sunday morning (3ish mile run).  The calf seems to be doing ok (or I'm in total denial). 
  • Showered Fidelia with baby love, laughed a lot with Jodie, was reminded of my admiration for the women in my life (Grandma, Auntie, Mom, Kim, Elizabeth, Jodie, Fidelia).  I don't like women so this admiration is note-worthy. And these are the women in my family so I am doubly blessed.
  • Played trucks, trains, built roads, read books, and played like a little kid.
  • Cleaned and organized the clutter in our room
  • Cleaned and organized the clutter in our basement
  • Cleaned windows and bathrooms and wiped away the cobwebs
  • Dusted every surface that the sun shone on this morning which, as it turns out, was EVERYWHERE!
  • Finished the mounds of laundry that were winding their way out of the utility room into the hallway 
  • Finished a book, started another one, and watched a couple of episodes of Dexter
  • Lost an hour and yet, I did so much!  I'm pretty amazing.  tee-hee
It's going to be a busy week but the thyroid is at 100% and I feel good.  My in-laws return from Arizona this week, my favorite students are home on spring break, and Florida is officially two weeks away.   

And, on Monday, Michelle + healthy choices = Weight Watchers. 

Never had a better day.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Weekend Project

Do you ever think "if only I had the time, I'd tackle that project"?
This thought always sits in the back of my mind.  Always.  

With the extra hour gained this weekend (WOOHOO!), I decided to spend time organizing and cleaning our bedroom and the basement.  What I call clutter, Eric calls piles.  And others might call it a mess.
Regardless of the title, it's time to clean them up!
I need to organize into garage sale piles, dump piles, and Goodwill piles.

Side note:  why can I give away our clothes but cannot, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, give away Alexander's clothes?  Weird.

The project will have to wait until tomorrow, though.
Today, we have a playdate/morning walk, a baby shower for Fidelia, and date night (i.e. watching Dexter) with my hubby! 

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

So worth it.

As it turns out, thyroid medication doesn't take long to kick in.  Just two days worth of the new medication and I'm feeling the effects.  I have energy.  I am happy.  I am fun Michelle again!  While some of this might be from sleeping 10 hours (albeit, I didn't sleep from the hours of 3:30 -5 AM), the energy levels seem to be just below full capacity.  They aren't completely full but by tomorrow, they will be.  My students asked what I had done with grumpy Ms. M.  My TA's asked why I was smiling all the time and in such a good mood.  And Eric asked why I offered to let him sleep all afternoon while I play with the boy quietly in his room.
I feel good, peeps!!

See, when the thyroid isn't working, I never notice.  And not noticing?  Well, that's the worst part of it.   I figure the fatigue is normal.  The irritability is due to the cloudy weather and the lack of sleep.  I figure the reason I wake up 10-12 times a night is because Eric snores or the computer is too bright.  I figure that the scale isn't budging despite WW and running 3-5 times a week because I ate too much salt (not true, btw).  I can justify why every symptom is occurring and blind myself to the truth because I never want to admit something is truly wrong.  If something was wrong, I would have to go to the doctor. 
And I hate going to the doctor.

  I should probably work on that, eh?

  It's all the thyroid.  I have a habit of stepping onto the thyroid bandwagon and tell everyone to have it checked.  But I won't take my own medicine.  The good news is I told Eric last night that the next time I suspect a change, I'm going to get a blood draw, rather than wait it out.  It isn't worth it anymore.  My life is 100% different since being diagnosed hypothyroid.  I am so thankful I have the wonderful Dr. M to help me out. And yes Mom, I am thankful that 5 years ago, you convinced me to have it checked. 

Without having it checked, I wouldn't have this little face in my life. 

So worth it.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Well. Now it makes sense.

The hair loss.
The constant fatigue I couldn't shake.
Dark circles under my eyes.
Uber dry skin.
Apathy and loss of energy.
Aches and pains that never go away.
Highly irritable Michelle.
No, we're not pregnant.

My pesky little thyroid hasn't been working.  Looking back on it, the symptoms started in December but when you work full time, are running 3 -5 times a week, and have a toddler to chase, you can shake off the symptoms.  I should have realized when the weight wasn't coming off with the running and eating healthy that something was wrong.  But, of course, I attributed that to cheating and I was losing inches.

I met with the wonderful Dr. M yesterday afternoon and he readjusted my meds.  I have to go back in 4 months.  I am constantly amazed at how that one little gland can affect SO many parts of my health.  Hopefully, the adjustment to the meds, along with the addition of 2000 i.u.i of Vitamin D, should have me back to myself by this weekend.    

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

True Story Tuesday: Choices

I choose to eat well for my body. To realize that food is fuel, not a reward or coping mechanism.

True Story.

I choose to run because I want to; not because I have to.

True Story.

I choose to wait until Alexander is in bed before I turn on the computer.  Time with him is more important than time in the cyber-world.

True Story.

I choose to find a balance between being Wife, Mom, and Michelle.  (this one still requires a lot of work!)

True Story.

Choice Theory is pretty powerful if you think about it.  And really quite simple.

True Story.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Will You Take A Minute?

To send prayers, peaceful thoughts, or whatever it is you believe or follow to a family who needs peace?

A gorgeous 2 year old who has a massive cancerous tumor (Stage 4 Neuroblastoma) in her abdomen.  After months of fighing, her battle is about to end.  I don't know how I manage to stumble across these things but that's kinda just what happens in the blogging world.  And with Layla Grace, I follow mostly through Twitter (I don't even have an acct so how I stumbled across this story really is a mystery.)
First, I found sweet Kate.  
A beautiful blonde sweetie who is battling a brain tumor.  
And then there is Jonah
Oh, what a beautiful young boy who was born with an extremely rare genetic skin disorder called Epidermolysis Bullosa.   
And now it's Layla Grace that I find myself thinking about, as she sleeps and her family waits for her to take her final breath.

I find myself thinking about these kids throughout the day.  I don't know why they are under my skin and in my thoughts.  I've never met them.  Chances are good I never will meet them.  In a world with millions of people, I haven't a clue why my path crossed these stories nor WHY I end up finding the stories that bring me to tears.  And put me on my knees by my child's bed as I thank God for a healthy, strong child.  

In my heart, I know God laid out the path for these kiddos.  And the path of their families.  

I ache to share their stories.  Just as God intended.

But, for now, I ask you to pray for peace for Layla Grace's Mommy and Daddy.  They need it.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Then and Now

In 1992, I was hired to work at a hardware store.  The day after they hired me, the company filed for bankruptcy and a security guard was hired to oversee all the sales.  Eric was the security guard and boy, was he cute!  Within a few weeks, he asked me out.  I figured, "why not? This could be a fun summer fling".  And I've never regretted saying yes.  That night cemented what I would learn about Eric over the next several years.  He was kind, considerate, really funny, and very confident.  I was reminded throughout the night of Lloyd Dobbler from Say Anything, when he takes the girl to the party and just keeps an eye on her from afar to make sure she's having a good time.  That was us.  He let me be social, kept my keg cup filled (oh, the days of kegs!), and would check in to make sure I was enjoying myself.  I supposed it helped that he was a good kisser, too.  Needless to say, the next day, I called my auntie and told her I had met the man I would marry.

Fast forward five years and on March 7, 1997, and Eric and I began this road called marriage.  We took an indirect route to the altar.  There was the summer of love.  There was a break up.  There were broken hearts.  There was the hesitant restart of our friendship that led to dating once again.  We drove 30 minutes to see each other on the weekends and would then drive further distances for day hikes, camping trips, and many date nights.  We never lived together.  And then...I can remember the moment and realization that I just wanted to marry this man.   But we would wait.   Eric wanted us to have a house.  He wanted me to clear my debt (bad me) and be clear about financial responsibility. He wanted me to be sure of who I was and that he really was the right choice for me.  Never a doubt in my mind, honey.  Never.

For the first ten years, it was just the two of us. We traveled.  A lot.  We bought, fully remodeled, and sold our first home.  We had two incomes and enjoyed date nights every Friday night.  Talk about the easy life!

Italy, 2001

And then infertility hit and the dark days began.  At that point, I knew Eric was my foundation.  I took everything out on him and he still put up with me.  When Alexander arrived, our marriage recreated itself with this wonderful addition!  Now, you've got this third party completely dependent upon you and you've got to figure it all out.  Together. 

For the most part, it has been seamless.  However, there are days when it isn't easy.  I am a control freak.  I'm a neat freak.  Leaving my boys at home every day and letting someone else parent my child, even his father, is not easy for me.  Coming home to a house that is littered with toys and stuff is not easy for me. Yet, Eric is an amazing father with infinite levels of patience.  He is the better parent to be home and that isn't easy for me to admit.  Just watching him during potty training is enough to convince me that him being home is the best decision.  For all of us.

Right now, we're in a very good place.  Communication is flowing better.  We're laughing more than ever.  We've learned the balance of time for ourselves, time for Alexander, and time for our family.  I'm learning that the titles of Mom and Wife are better than the title of Ms. M.  And I'm sure he's learning things too but this is my blog so we'll only talk about my learning curve.

Since our wedding day and the awesome party we celebrated on that night, I've never been happier.  I married the man who brings out the best in me.  I remember a time when I said he made me who I am and my friend Ann argued with me.  She said that I always had confidence and inner-strength in me but it took Eric's confidence for me to believe in myself.  I think she is right.  I just can't imagine my life without this man.

He truly is my best friend.
Then and Now.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Dear Weekend... glad you are here!  What a fun weekend it is cooking up to be!

Today you are bringing me a pedicure with a girlfriend, new hair color and a shopping extravaganza.  What that really equates to is Michelle time!  Woo-Hoo!

Tomorrow brings a run in the morning, nice weather for yard work, and then date night with hubby.  We've decided to go shopping for new running shoes for both of us, go out to dinner, and then home to start watching Dexter together.  Yes, we know this isn't the most exciting of dates but we've commited to no cell phones and no computers.  That's pretty huge for us!  Plus, there isn't a movie out there that appeals to us.  Snuggling on the couch does!

And Sunday...oh, dear Sunday!  Just thinking of you makes me giddy with joy.  Not only is this the day I will be celebrating thirteen wonderful years with my hubby BUT I'll also be celebrating with this guy.
Oh, how I love this guy.  Oh, how I love the Academy Awards.  Oh, how I love sitting on the couch, curled up under a blanket, wine glass in hand, watching an award show about movies I never saw and celebrities wearing outfits I can never afford!   
This is a tradition that dates back to college days and sitting on the couch with my sorority sisters, being caddy, rude, and laughing hysterically.  When college ended and I lived with my bf, Chelle (yes, my bf's name was the same as mine!), we would dedicate an entire day to the event.  Shopping for food and beverages occured the day before.  We'd turn the phone off and just sit and watch.  And be caddy, rude, and laugh hysterically together.

When I got married, the tradition continued but a little differently.  Kate and I would talk on the phone during the show.  Being caddy, rude, and laughing hysterically.

Somehow, I don't think my boys are going to participate with me but they have commited to giving Mommy her time with Oscar.  With my phone and FB chat open to dissect every outfit, hairdo, and accesory imaginable during the event.  Anyone willing to be caddy, rude, and laugh hysterically with me!?

Thanks, Weekend, for giving me so much to look forward to. 

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Anniversary Date Night Ideas Needed!

Even though our anniversary is on Sunday, we decided we would go out on Saturday night to celebrate our thirteen years of marriage.  Eric knows how much I love to watch the Academy Awards (and rip on the attire), so he graciously and lovingly agreed to Saturday so I could watch my show.  Thanks honey!  What a guy.

But what should we do?  It feels like an eternity since we've had hours, ALONE, to ourselves.

Here are the parameters for the date:

My parents are going to watch the boy at our house.  They can put him to bed and there is more for him to do at our place, than at their place.  However, that means we have about a 5 window block between Dad's dialysis treatments.  Which is fine.  It isn't like we are 21 or 22 and must spend hours at a bar.  We know where we are going to dinner because my bro and sis-inlaw gave us a gift card to a nummy steak house. 

What should we do with the rest of our time??  We're on a tight budget so inexpensive ideas are also welcome!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

True Story Tuesday

In celebration of our upcoming anniversary, this True Story Tuesday entry will be about marriage and my wonderful hubby.

I was 20 years old when Eric and I went on our first date.  The day after our date, I called my auntie and told her I found the man I would marry.  That was 18 years ago, this July.

True Story.

Eric and I broke up for 2 years.  I dated other people.  He didn't.  He says he should have.  I knew he wouldn't.

True Story.

Eric and I may be complete opposites in personalities but he balances me better than anyone else in my life. 

True Story.

The hardest time in our marriage has been since Alexander was born.  Once you've been married 10 years, you know each other pretty well and words aren't always necessary.  However, in the last 3 years, words have become a necessity as we forge this path called parenthood.  At least we're doing it together, even if we don't always have the right words.

True Story.

Eric is a stay-at-home dad and I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate all he does for us.

True Story.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Obsessive or Addictive?

After spending the evening trying to convince a toddler to organize his toys (in a futile effort to clean the playroom), I started to wonder if I had an obsessive or addictive personality.  So I did what any intelligent woman would do to find an answer.  

I googled.

Obsessive personality
A type of personality characterized by the manifestation of a rigid, pervasive pattern of perfectionism and inflexibility as the individual strives persistently for obvious unattainable and implausible goals, to the point that the actual completion of tasks and projects are frequently interfered by such behaviour.

Addictive personality
a personality marked by traits of compulsive and habitual use of a substance or practice in an attempt to cope with psychic pain engendered by conflict and anxiety.

Let's see...if I didn't have an addictive personality...

I wouldn't wage a constant battle with food.   I would stay a constant weight because I wouldn't be an emotional overeater. 

I would save money because I wouldn't drink booze every weekend.  Although, at the first of the year, I stopped drinking during the week. Except during vacation, of course.

I wouldn't be losing inches and looking forward to the challenge of the half marathon because I wouldn't battle food and need to run to keep the weight off. 

    On the other hand, if I didn't have an obsessive personality...

Our house would never be clean because even though he tries, Eric is not known for his housekeeping abilities.  There is nothing I love more than spending a day, deep cleaning, knowing that I'll be doing it all again within a week.

There would be piles of stuff everywhere.  I do not keep old stuff.  I love to go through closets, cabinets, and drawers and find things to throw away (which reminds me that I really need to do something this weekend about the crap that is in our bedroom).

None of us would have clean clothes.  Sometimes, I do a load of laundry, just because I can.  The routine of washing, adding fabric softener, drying, and putting it away is so satisfying!

I love Making Lists.  Period.

I'm not sure when the blogs became an obsession but I'd count them as one.  I'd probably sleep more if I didn't have the blogs because I would go to bed at a decent hour.  But I feel guilty that I'm letting down my peeps when I don't have a new entry every few days.

And none of this even covers when I get an idea in my head and obsess over it for DAYS on end.
You're asking for an example?  Well, let's see...

Whether or not to cut my hair.
Whether or not to do National Boards.
Whether or not we can afford the house addition.
I can't go to sleep with dishes in the sink and clutter on the counters.
I can't leave for vacation with a messy house (who likes to come home to a mess?)

And now that the kid's asleep, I think I'm going to sneak down and organize his toys when he least suspects it!

Need I go on?

Which one are you?  Or do we all have a little of both inside us?