Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Learning and Accepting

Dad has been gone a month.

So weird.  So surreal. 

I woke up today and realized I don't feel the sadness as heavily as I have the past few weeks.  I guess that means I am slowly adjusting to Dad being gone.  Mom and I are learning to talk about Dad and accept that tears will flow, but so will the laughter and smiles.  My siblings and I are learning to talk about Dad (via text messaging, naturally) with quips of what he would say in certain situations.  And, even if they don't know if they should pat my shoulder, give a hug, or give a fist pump (yes, that happened), people around us continue to love and support us.  My sweet students have been the best these past few weeks, because they just embrace the awkward and ask how I am doing and ask me questions about my dad.  They are actually quite better at dealing with me than some adults have been! 

Remember how I keep saying there is beauty in my dad's death?  The beauty lies in this sweet boys face.

He is a gentle reminder that life will go on.  He remembers and talks about his Ho-Ho Papa with laughter and smiles, which keeps me smiling as I remember, too.  Life doesn't get to just end with the death of a loved one.  Nope.  Instead, you have homework, swim lessons, birthdays, school conferences, holidays and everything else to face on a day-to-day basis.  You write an obituary.  You finish a slideshow.  You cross things off the list.

I am learning to walk through the days with memories.  Learning to accept that the giant man that was my dad will always be missing. 

I'm accepting that life will go on.

Even if it still makes me a little sad.

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