Friday, January 4, 2013

back to work....

...and  I don't want anyone to see me.     Which actually means I'm moving forward with my grief.  Hold tight; I'll try to explain what I mean.

I don't mind being back to work after a two week break.  I enjoy talking with my students as they tell me their stories from the holiday break.   Yesterday, I actually laughed out loud for several minutes.  Loudly.  And it felt wonderful.

What I realized today is I am doing o,k but I don't like people asking how I'm doing.  That may sound strange but if you know me, you know that it actually means I'm healing.  I have never been one to share my personal life with my work life.    I don't like the attention on me and I certainly don't want to discuss my feelings. 

I rarely blur the lines between home and work.  Rarely.

However, I didn't have much of a choice about the lines blurring when Dad died because

 1. my mom used to work at the high school where I currently work so everyone asks how she is doing

 2.  my dad announced football games where I currently work so the community asks how we are doing

 3.  I went to high school where I currently work so everyone asks how I am doing and

 4.  I have really good friends where I currently work who ask how I'm doing.
 I really love long sentences.

I know I'm coming out of the grief fog because I'm noticing, when people ask, I hate it.   This was very "before Dad died" behavior for me.  What looks like concern to others feels like pity to me. I'm not saying I don't appreciate the support.  I'm just over needing it. 

It's weird.  I know.  Just go with it. 

I am.

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