Wednesday, December 16, 2009


For the first time in my teaching career, I feel completely disconnected from being a teacher.  Being Ms M has been my identity for fifteen years.  I have been the teacher students turn to when issues of relationships, drugs/alcohol, or teen pregnancy enter their lives.  Or if they have a new car, get accepted to college, or if it is their birthday.  I am the adult they talk with when they can't talk to their parents.  And I love that role because that is the reason I entered teaching.  I have always been less concerned with teaching content and more about helping the individual student.

This year, I am finding it hard to be patient and listen to students. The hurt I feel from the lack of loyalty from my administration is trickling into my daily teaching.  I don't want to be close to co-workers. I don't want to be close to students.  Most days, I'm 15 minutes late to work, I don't leave my office until it is time to teach, and I've been known to beat the busses out of the parking lot at the end of the day.  I don't want to care because when I did care and gave all that Ms. M had, it broke my heart.  I'm not ready to give my heart again.   The three closest friends I have had have left in the last two years.  I'm not ready to show my loyalty and care about co-workers who are going to leave.  I haven't had a favorite class since 2006 graduated and love when they come home from college so I can laugh again.  It isn't like me to go through the motions, yet that's exactly what I am doing.  Students still confide in me but I'm finding it to be more of a burden than anything else (not that they would ever notice, though).

In my head, I know that teaching is just a job and I should have no problem disconnecting from it. 

My heart hasn't figured that part out.


  1. Ok you.... hold your chin up and know that you are an excetional teacher. It is time for you to reevaluate yourself and to realize that who you were when you were 24 is not who you are any more. You have different priorities. You have a fantastic husband and an adorable son and they now fill you heart. Your heart had more room before and you filed it with students. Does that make any sense?

    Your kids know you are there for them. And when they reach out to you, make sure you take the time to care. However, they used to be your kid. Now you have a kid.

    Michelle, please spend some time over vacation thinking about the shear number of students that you have made a difference to. Maybe, just maybe, you should cut yourself a break and take care of you and your needs for a little while. It will come back. The love, the passion, the excitement. But for now, don't fight it!

    Sending love!

    PS: 2 days til vacation but who is counting.

  2. Seriously, I would flunk a student who has that many spelling errors. Shouldn't respond to blogs from my phone as my fingers are too big to type well.

    Sorry. You need a big fat red pen to correct that one!


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