Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Could be

I feel like Alexander acts when he wakes up badly from a nap.  Only I'm 38, not almost three, so I can't cry, rant and carry out a tantrum like I want to do.  I suppose I could.  And probably should. 

I can't even put my finger on what is bothering me.  Which may be the worst part of it and exactly why I fear this post is going to be a rambling rant of nothing.  At least I have one of these by my side...

Is it starting Weight Watchers again (for the hundreth time?) right before the holidays?  Could be.
I am NEVER very fun when counting points, no matter how EASY the program is for me.  I lost 20 lbs on this program in 2000 and now I'm struggling to lose the last 5 of my pregnancy (that ended 3 years ago, btw).  Having a toddler and stay at home husband means the house is FULL of treats and snacks.  And I have no willpower.  Although, I must have some willpower because I haven't eaten after 6PM the past three weeks.  And my latte was a skinny vanilla instead of the egg nog or pumpkin spice that I wanted to order! 

Is it the weather?  The rainy, windy, nasty grey days?  Could be.
Being inside ALL day does have a tendency to make me crabby.  I crave fresh air and the outdoors.  I even ran on the track yesterday, in the cold., simply because it wasn't raining.  Unlike today. 

Is it my father's health and understanding this stage in life?  Could be. 
Or maybe it has more to do with me having patience with my mother to help her accept the changes.  Could be.
But we're working on it as a family and that's progress.  I'm blessed that they taught me the communication skills to share my opinions and that they listen to my opinions.  And I'm really blessed that they agree to listen to my husband's logical point of view, leaving me to emotionally rant to my brother who lives 3000 miles away.

Is it dreading going to work because I know there is nothing exciting waiting for me when I get there?  Could be.
But I'm thankful for this job and it allows my son to be raised at home, rather than in a daycare.  I have awesome students.  Remember that student who brought me scones last week?  She just left another pile on my desk...which I will share with my department members, so I don't eat them!  And our football team is in the playoffs for the first time since I was a student here so it's a pretty fun place to hang out.

Is it needing a vacation and/or time alone with my husband?  Could be.

With the holidays, it is difficult for us to ask friends and family to watch Alexander for us so we can get away.  And we don't trust any of my students to babysit him...even though I literally have hundreds available if I were to ask.  The idea of sleeping, uninteruppted, for 2 days sounds divine.  And completely out of the question.

I'm not sure what it is going to take to bring me out of this funk.  Maybe it is enough just to recognize I'm in a funk and tomorrow could be a better day.

Let's hope so.


  1. I think it's the lack of sunshine and thus the Vit. D deficiency that is epidemic during this time of year. Tends to bring us all down. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

  2. D. All of the above.

    I second Tammy's thoughts; take some extra Vit. D, get out your happy light and be good to yourself.

    Any my ears are always here for you. Love you Chelle.

  3. It could could be any of those things. It could be all of those things. It might not be any of those things. However, whatever it could be it is ok. Sit with it, embrace it and realize that it will pass, the sun will shine, you will spend time with Eric alone somehow and most importantly, you are loved by many!


  4. I want, no need to tell you that you are not just ranting. These are your thought and your feelings and if you put them out there they belong to you! They are a part of you and that is amazing. Everytime I log in to read how you are feeling I can picture sitting next to you. right now I would love to just put my arm around you and sit. It is the time of year, it is work, it is needing alone time with Eric, it is all of it and it is none of it. Life can weigh us down, whether we are on WW or not. But "talking" it out gets it out. Know that you are not alone and that we love to "listen" to whatever you have to say.
    love you,


What say ye?